Wednesday, August 29, 2012

where i'll be.

august 28.

stopping in to say i won't be here for a little while.  i'm taking a break from this space, and a few other online spaces that have been taking up more room than i would like to admit.

space that i'd prefer to give to family and friends, the written word (my own and others), caring for us all, and tending to my own voice that keeps telling me to slow down, save time, choose wisely.

i guess this could be described as a retreat, of sorts.  which is completely spot on, and aligns with a bit of news:  you can find a series of my photographs and some words in the current issue of taproot.  i'm so honored to have been asked by amanda to be a part of the family of contributors over there, and my heart skipped a few beats when i saw the sneak peek of pages on the taproot site.

if you're not familiar with what amanda and her colleagues are doing, please do go take a look.


so, for now, i'm signing off.
if you'd like to check in with how things are going, starting tomorrow i'll be posting over at habit through the month of september.

i cannot imagine another online space i'd want to retreat to.

best wishes, and thank you truly for your support and encouragement.

Monday, August 27, 2012

august 27.

crazy eights are being played.
pie is being eaten.
i do believe there's a homemade spa treatment being administered upstairs.
the dishes are done.
the dog has been walked, the cats are in.
the doors are closed.


i'm thinking and feeling that this thing has run it's course.
i will always take pictures, and always want to share them, but
i'm not too sure that there's a lot of value in the rambling on.

i need to take a little while to be quiet and think on things.

but i do think i'll post some photos here in the meantime.

hopefully, you'll like that just for itself.


best wishes,

Sunday, August 26, 2012

hi from sunday night.

white and pink
white and grey
august 26.

i truly want to start writing again.
but that's just not going to happen tonight.


Saturday, August 25, 2012

don't you get it? i don't have any idea what any of it means, either.

august 25.

but we're all here nonetheless, so let's be nice and enjoy.


Thursday, August 23, 2012

split level.

august 22.
girls and charlie.
august 23.

i so look forward to coming home everyday.
if there were a cartoon drawn of me yesterday afternoon (is 5:45pm still afternoon?) it would depict me tackling tim when i came through the door, smothering him with kisses as i eyed the dishes in the sink.

i'm home now,
and we're going out.  good times ahead.
good times on a thursday night.
still a school night for me.  not the girls,
who are coming with us.

not yet for the girls, but those days are coming fast and then we will be back to watching the clock.

i'm going to let tonight go where it may.

i'm a big girl.  i can get myself to work tomorrow.
for now, i'm the only one i need to be responsible for in the morning.

that will not be the case for long.

off to the races! (figuratively.)

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

in the garden, tonight.

august 21.

after i came home from work.
hi from tuesday night.

Monday, August 20, 2012

there is a lot i'd like to tell you.

august 18.
anna, yesterday.
august 20.

but i can't, just now.


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

i think i can. i think i can.


i feel like a case study in the ability - or lack thereof - to be present.  this is a big ole catch phrase these days.  be present.  live in the moment.  live with intent.

i use these phrases myself.  and i think i both know what they mean and embody them, indeed.

but it's silly.  no?
because we are where we are, when we are.
we are here, we are there.  we are on line and stuck in that moment of waiting.  we are in the elevator going slowly with three or four humans staring intently at the numbers lighting, ascending.

we are sitting on the couch being touched and loved by little kids, puppies and cats, spouses.

we are caught in the midst of a conversation we either don't care about or care too much about.  either way, there we are.  it's happening.  then. now.  right now.

right then.

and then it's gone.

i feel that i'm present each and every second of the day, and way too many hours of the night.  it all gets to me.

but maybe i'm also floating through, doing the breaststroke from one end of the day, searching for the moment that i don't have to be so damn present.  when i can just let go.

nonsense, all of this.
it all just is.

more soon.  just wanted to stop in and...

Sunday, August 12, 2012

and even then.

august 12.

i'm burnt to a crisp.
we were at the beach all morning, so linds and t. could surf.
there were two or three minutes of trouble, but in general,
this was a day of days.
there seem to be a lot of those, strung in a row.

don't know what to make of it, but i'll let you know when i do.


Thursday, August 9, 2012


august 9.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

hi from sunday night.

august 5.
hi from sunday night.
hi from sunday night.
hi from sunday night.

there's a lot that i didn't do today.

i didn't vacuum. (but lindsey did.)
i didn't walk.
i didn't scan the photos i'd meant to.
i didn't pay the bills.
i didn't write thank you notes.
i didn't say a word when they made four gallon milk bottles worth of lemonade to sell at the curb.
i didn't let lindsey make the second round of smoothies at 9:30 pm.
i didn't yell.  (not.once.)

there's some stuff i did today.

i washed & folded a bunch of laundry.
i cut flowers & refreshed the jars around the house.
i made my way through two photography books.
i got to see a friend i've been missing, who happened to be passing by our house.
i napped for three whole hours.
i sat on the porch with callie & the boy.
i made sunday dinner, and my parents came, and the boy stayed, and everyone was together.
i gave & got a lot of loving.
i made pickles.

back to the salt mines tomorrow.
best wishes.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

this morning.

august 4.
this morning.
this morning.
this morning.
this morning.
this morning.

at home. and the hot day ahead of us, no  motivation to do much of anything.

just saying hi.

enjoy saturday.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

july 29.
july 31.
august 1.

i don't know.  what do you think?

should i worry about all this stuff?  i do.  i wake up in the night and realize my dreams are stupidly literal.  dreams of missing work and crashing planes and bridges across the east river that behave more like untethered rollercoasters than anything.  characters from the last twenty years of my life mixing together in weird but oddly familiar ways.

dreams while i'm sleeping that are so different than dreams-with-a-capital-D.  dreams of writing well and having strong happy girls living content, productive lives.  tim and i making a home for ourselves away from here, but somewhere everyone we love will still gather.  dreams of stillness and quiet and being fully myself, living with intent and making choices carefully and not reactively.

for now, the dreams i had when i was younger have pretty much come true:  i am a mama.  i am a wife.  i have a little house i love and tend to.  i am a writer, and i take photographs.

dreams are a little tricky.  they change as you do.
and one thing we can be sure of...
you know.

just thinking out loud.
more whenever.