Sunday, April 29, 2012

hi from sunday night.

april 29.

all too much,
and too good.
and too hard.
and too short.

more soon.
tired, tonight.

best wishes.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

things i've done lately that i've been scared to do...but have done, nonetheless.

t at the beach 600

::put two girls on an airplane, by themselves, to go off to california.
::taken a job.
::run with it.
::laughed so hard that i've cried and snorted, in front of people i've just met. (see above.)
::danced.  in front of people.  (...barbara streisand.)
::held my mother's hand while she was in pain. looked her in the eyes and told her it will be ok.
::believed it will be ok.
::let the house stay messy when i knew people were coming over.
::ate cafeteria food.
::walked into my own house vowing not to notice the mess created since i'd been gone.
::followed through.
::loved my people.

that last one?  maybe the scariest one of all.
and most essential.

more soon.

Monday, April 23, 2012



so much good in the middle of it all.

ain't that just the way?

more soon.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

hi from sunday night.

april 22.

and what a week it was.
well. it was just an ordinary week,
with the addition of ten or fifteen extra hours at the office.
and then,
the call. mom's been sick.
all of a sudden, actually.
but to have pneumonia at eighty-five becomes a crisis quickly.

and there were some dicey hours there.
but still-we went out!
we shopped for groceries,
we had family over for dinner.
we drank a lot of wine.

(linds:"why is there so much ice cream?"
me: "aunt lori.")

and it all makes perfect, comforting sense to us all.

and she's going to be ok.
incredibly enough.

one more bullet dodged.

and a sweet, full, reality-infused assessment that leaves us-
me, and t, and the girls and my brothers,
and most of all,
my dad-
feeling that we better take each and every step
every day

maybe rip a page out of our notebook,
and do the same?


Thursday, April 19, 2012

since i was last here,


i've had quite a week.
we've had quite a week.

haven't we?

more soon.
just stopping in to show you where i've been.


Sunday, April 15, 2012

hi from sunday night:: and so this is what you're seeing, instead.


right now::
i'm sitting across from t.  he's inking in his cartoon for tomorrow.
i'm sitting next to lindsey, who is typing up a book report on travels with charley.
i'm calling down to callie to ask her to switch the laundry for me.
i'm listening to make sure that anna has indeed settled herself and is sleeping now.
i'm psshpsshpsshing to get a cat up on my lap.  i seem to think better when they're on my lap.
i'm feeling full up from dinner, from last night, from the night before.
from a whole lot of talking and laughing and a break from working.
i'm looking forward, in a way i would never have dreamed, to going to work tomorrow.
and i'm a bit regretful and sad that i just don't have the energy or time to be here,
but i'm where i need to be.
where i want to be.
i'm sure i'll come and go between the two places.
but i hope you'll be patient and know that i'll be back,
when i can.
the truth we can all count on is change.  and i'm in the middle of it.

best wishes,

Sunday, April 8, 2012

hi from sunday night.


today, the three of us alone, all day.
we drove north. slowly.
we found a closed-for-the-day public gallery, at which we set up camp.
there was a picnic, spread out. a quality picnic, indeed.
there was a (penguin) kite.
there was a bottle of wine, a river, a blanket and pillows.

i went around the corner, in the back by the estuary and the dumpsters,
and went pee in the dirt.

now back on the blanket,
eyes shut, my hand thrown across my face,
i listen to anna and tim.
each singing parts of the songs stuck in their heads,
flying a kite.
kite flying just above me, right next to the sun,
the snapping and flutters sounding not unlike a roaring fire.

and then we drove on back down, even slower.
past things we've seen, things we haven't.
anna asleep in the way back of the car.

we stop to take pictures at some lake or another.
we take the turn that probably wasn't the right one,
but winds it's way eventually towards where we're headed.

along the way, the favorite taco stand emerges as an attractive option.
we all sit high on stools and eat in silence.

then twenty more minutes, and we're home.

fire out back.

ukulele practicing.
polaroid + cartoon scanning.
phone calls and pictures coming from san francisco,
smoothing the one wrinkle in the perfect day.

staying up, just a little longer.

this is the song for today, surely.

more soon.

Friday, April 6, 2012

friday happiness::

that point in the night...

truth be told,
i'm freaking out.


holy bejeezus.
i'm having a little panic attack about three times an hour.

i know they'll be fine.
and i couldn't be happier about where they're going-
the week with my brothers and sisters-in-law!


freaking out.

i'll be fine.

happy friday! (oy.)


Thursday, April 5, 2012

on the way home from grandma liz's house.

march 31.

i'm posting this from bed, with anna eating after-dinner oatmeal next to me, under the covers.
with emma sitting like a sack of flour on my feet.
with tim out like a patron saint of teenagers,
driving them to and from the movies on the first night of spring break.
this week took it's good time getting to friday,
but we will wake up to friday tomorrow morning.

let's try to make the most of that, yes?


Monday, April 2, 2012



she asked for:

cinnamon rolls for breakfast.
crumb cake for her birthday cake.
rice & beans for dinner.
and a ukulele.

and that's it.

and she got it.
and a few things extra.
and a lot of love.

oh. a lot of love.

happy day, sweet girl.


Sunday, April 1, 2012

hi from sunday night.


these are so dark, yes?
but i like both of them.

city me.
home me.

yesterday, i drove liz home to brooklyn and stopped the car on the way back and took some photos. (i'll show those here later this week...)

i was alone, for hours that day. it's not the norm. but it's a luxury i've come to crave.

i like these two photos as they are both barely discernible. but there's something, yes?


anna will be seven tomorrow. i know we all always are shocked by the passage of time as marked by our children's birthdays. i don't mean to say we are special. but. there's a huge truth of our life that you all may not grasp from just reading here. that truth is that a part of what keeps us trying to be a family, and keeps us trying harder, is that we have to constantly prove that we are-in callie's language-legit. it took us a long time on a hard road to get people to understand we were for real.
so the fact that our little girl- our little girl- is seven.

well that's pretty f-ing legit.

we're for real.

and oh, are we full up with love.
still and always.

more soon.
thanks for reading.