coming home from work today,
(every day, now,)
i never know what to expect.
i brace myself and tell myself to relax. that even if there's a mess,
(gasp! godforbid...)
that i should step gracefully around it and kiss the ones i love
and be grateful that they are,
at the very least
(the very most)
well taken care of and intact,
for one more day
in my absence.
it's the narcissism of motherhood.
i truly believe that the house might crumble while i'm gone.
or that someone goes untended, un-paid-attention-to.
that things will be half done and half noticed.
and i have a good man.
the best sort.
and i know, i know, i know.
that what he offers is so different but completely of the same caliber
as what i offer.
i'm able to admit that.
but what i offer them all
has-had-become such a part (the defining part)
of who i am,
that this is a rough change.
i like being away.
if not from them, then perhaps away from me with them.
i'm able to admit that.
in any event.
i came home tonight to this newly motherless house.
and all was well.
i'm pretty sure no one was surprised
but me.
more, whenever.
xo,
tt
