Wednesday, November 30, 2011

our sweet boring ordinary days. i'm longing for those, and am trying to reclaim them.


also? trying my darndest to relax into the season.
proud of myself when i fold a load of laundry.
obsessively have a big pot of soup on the stove at all times.
don't even call it dinner. still make dinner, but the soup is just gravy, so to speak.
am saving up to buy more little white lights.
am in love with the idea and the prospect and the promise of a new month.
am in love with my daughters every time they walk in the room.
love how in the middle of the night we seek each other out and hold on like we're falling.
am looking forward to the cold coming, but know the complaining will come soon after.
completely forgot to pick anna up today, and got lucky in that she went to a friend's house after school.
(for the first time this year. both the forgetting and the friend's house...)
spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what i can wear to the parties that we're starting to get invited to. that's a vain ugly truth. but really. don't you? or is it just me?
on my wish list this year is: a close-up kit for my polaroid, and an emergency brake for my car.



more soon.

Monday, November 28, 2011

shamelessly jumping on the cyber monday bandwagon.


over in our etsy shop, from today through the end of the year, we're offering free shipping within the united states.

and, if there's anything of mine that you like and don't see in the shop, send me an e-mail, and i'll see if i can have it printed up for you in time for holiday giving (or keeping.)

enjoy the day!


Sunday, November 27, 2011

hi, again.


sunday morning breakfast outside, and hanging some more lights, and getting the christmas decorations down from the attic, and putting a big pot of something on the stove, and looking at the last of the leaves on the ground in the park through cut-out paper snowflakes hanging in the office window.

and feeling alright. feeling good.

everything i love at arm's reach.

enjoy this sunday.

Saturday, November 26, 2011



that's right, i'm in bed.
waiting for tim to return from a fourth trip to white plains for a single party for a teen-aged girl.
i'm waiting out the three big girls; to finish in the bathroom, to finish talking and walking back and forth between each other's rooms. what the heck are they doing? i know it may make sense if i were out there, watching them. but from in here, it seems as if they're doing laps. or switching the entire contents of each other's rooms one item at a time.

tonight, a fire out back. the perfect, perfect temperature for such a thing.
and a few friends were kind enough to come by, and the kids ended up out there in the beginning, and then again, in the end. us in and up, washing up and tucking little one in.
and i could hear them talking down there through the bathroom window, and see the fire being stoked and then dying again.

and then they came up.

and that's where i am now. up here in bed, waiting. listening and typing. and should be sleeping, but i think writing is better than another episode of the office. even if the writing is of the lazy, tired, self-indulgent kind.

and waiting. i strung a few lights tonight. and i keep putting my nose in the air, figuratively, trying to conjure up the elusive scent of whatever it is that puts me in the mood for these days before the holidays.

and i'm both surprised by how long it's been since i've found it, and how sure i am that i will once more.

the triumph of hope over experience.

(don't they say that about something else???)

more soon. as much for me as anyone.


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

the start of it all.


so, hi.

yeah, these are pictures of me juicing up anna on espresso. but it was a very nice evening out to celebrate her grandma's birthday.

i know i've been missing in action here. and in action is just where i've been.
on the figurative front lines.
but of course, not really.

i try to remember this.
that with all my worries and troubles-
and they are many and real-
they are also not the end of the world.
i still have so much to be grateful for,
and i've lost my perspective on that lately,
a bit.

but maybe, fresh off of the first few celebrations of a season of many,
i am starting to turn my head towards the good around me, again.

i think the best way to do that is to see this season through the eyes of a twelve-year-old who hums christmas tunes in her sleep, practically. or a fifteen-year-old who shows me time and again what it is to be strong and graceful all at once. or a six-year-old who knows each and every christmas decoration from memory, and tells me "now that it's christmastime, we can just be happy."

although that may have been the espresso talking.

more soon.
i promise myself.


Sunday, November 13, 2011

hi from sunday night, and...


i hear noises from the dishwasher that make me fear there's a child crying somewhere in the house.

and then lindsey comes in and hugs me and walks upstairs with yet another clementine (the first box of the season) and assures me that if anna was crying, i'd know it.

i spent hours today cooking. it seems to be the one thing that i can do these days that both completely absorbs me and that i can do right.

tonight i made my friend tara's eggplant and onion and goat cheese tart. it was one of the more ambitious tasks i've undertaken recently. but i was inspired and it was worth it.
i can not wait for tomorrow when i get to eat the leftovers.

and i sent some home to the city with my niece, along with some potato leek soup.

and then tim and i cleaned up the kitchen, and set the house right again.
tucked anna in-i'm pretty sure tim is back up there now, asleep next to her warm little body.

and i can hear the big girls giggling and arguing alternately.
but they're home. and they're done with their day.
and they will most likely come downstairs two and three and four more times before i realize that they are just not going to bed until i am tonight.

and so i am. tonight.

and best wishes to you all.


Sunday, November 6, 2011

hi from sunday night.


what i write right now will be so different than what i write in fifteen minutes.
right now, i am waiting.
for the arrival of my two first girls.

ok, so now they're here. like a stampede of really pretty horses. they trample upon the peace of the house without them, and now it is a completely different place.

but they hug me when they come in. and then they spill out a jumbled embarrassment of information, before falling right back into their spaces here.

and now, a half an hour later, or more, it's quiet. they're settled back into their rooms, their beds, their home.

and i breathe a little easier and worry more, all the same.

best wishes on sunday night.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


how about if i just like this photo?

if i just stepped outside the morning after
and found his boots there,
and love the way he left them standing.

did he turn away from the door
to hold on to the doorknob as he heeled them off?

was he watching something out in the yard?

did he wear them inside, and then realizing a few muddy steps into the kitchen,
turn around, take them off,
and leave them facing away from the scene of the misdemeanor?

in any event.
i love the boots.
i love the tones.

i love tim.


Tuesday, November 1, 2011


there's a small window of time in which we can use and enjoy our outdoor fireplace.
it's got to be cold enough to make the heat compelling, but warm enough to make sitting outside for any length of time-fire or not-reasonable.

last weekend i was bored and uninspired until i saw a photo of a friend's dinner party, outside! on a dock, on a pond in vermont!
and i suddenly was gripped by the realization that if i didn't seize that very night to gather with friends and enjoy this weather i've been pining for, i would miss it.

(little did i know how right i was! the next weekend we'd have a snow storm!)

i rallied tim and summoned (begged? coerced? perhaps...) some friends and assembled some snacks.

and loaded the pentax. i shot a whole roll that weekend, and have another going now. i've missed that camera. i've been so infatuated with polaroid that it's been a bit neglected.

these shots remind me why i love it so.

enjoy today. and happy november!
here we go...