i do not sleep from three am until six am and then i'm up before everyone cheerily making breakfast and then, later, i collapse while anna sits practically on top of me writing and talking and singing and i'm sleeping like the dead and then i get up again and once again am cheerily making dinner.

it occurred to me suddenly and violently this afternoon that this is not a good way to live.

also: i would like a new dress and would like to do yoga.

also: i count myself lucky because of all of the incredibly inspirational people i call friends around me who keep me from sinking into self pity.

also: i made french toast last week with garam masala instead of cinnamon. by accident, obviously. not a good accident. obviously.

also: i can not stop watching avett brothers videos on youtube today.

also: lindsey is sitting next to me just now eating a waffle with syrup. it's about, i'd say, her third meal since she's been home at five-thirty tonight. (the first of which was chicken parmesan.)

and: callie.

and: oh.

oh.

tim's over there working and we sat on the couch for about ten minutes tonight in between making dinner and serving dinner and cleaning up from dinner. i find more and more we're not spending any down time outside of bed in the morning, and bed at night. the rest of the day one or both of us are working doing fixing.

and we need to be creating. just as some people need to breathe or eat, we need that other thing, that other food that feeds us. that thing that makes us feel that we're being our selves.

and that's a hard thing to put on a list that includes kids and money and house and family and on and on.

but we need it.

and we're lucky that we both need it and both know that we both need it.

we're lucky for that.

and lots.

more soon.

xo,
tt