so what i was thinking about just before,
is gone.
that's what's been happening.
one fire sparks,
i put it out.
then another flares up.
i expend all my energy there,
and then what was left after the last one
is lost.
forgotten enough that it doesn't seem to matter anymore.
instead of saying (as i have in the past...) uncle...
i'm rolling with it.
or, as one friend put it,
it's all happening.
what i do know is this::
things are in order here.
mornings are going smoothly.
girls are as happy as girls can be.
and they kiss me goodbye in the morning
and hug me when they come home.
they mess up sometimes and so do we.
but they also laugh and fight and sing and at the end of the day
are here making messes
and making a beautiful, messy family out of us all.
and yes.
i can barely keep up.
but i am.
just barely.
and i fail so miserably at times;
last night, little miss a. was so out of control, so tired and done,
screaming and kicking-so unusual for her, really,
that finally,
i just up and slapped her on her bottom.
she was tired and it's all too much.
but there's that moment that you realize that all the
"what choice do you want to make, sweetie?"
and "i'm going to count to three..."
just.doesn't work.
so i swatted her cute little bottom,
picked her up,
brought her upstairs and gave her a bath.
you would have thought i was scalding her from the screams.
when she was all clean and dry and i brushed her beautiful little growing-out pixie,
she looked in the mirror, and said "will you do my hair like this tomorrow?"
and thusly,
all was right with the world.
except, that is,
i felt miserable for that bottom slapping.
and always will.
but.
i think...
oh.
whatever.
i'll think forever on it.
best wishes.
xo,
tt
*and a note about comments...i'm undecided about what to do here. i've kept them open, and read every one. but i'm not publishing them. not really sure why. feel like you're writing to me, and don't want to publish them. i do appreciate every word you take the time to write me, though.
and i'm awful about responding. i'm so sorry.
