hi.
we've been home two nights now.
and home is hard.
but home is also the only place i know
that really means anything to me.

i've been holding onto tim as if i might lose my footing,
just like when we were hiking in the mountains.

i cry when i hang up the phone after talking to my parents,
partially out of relief, somewhat out of shame:
i feel i'm being chastised, always.
like a child who just doesn't ever get it quite right.

and yet i'm still loved.

two of my girls are gone for a while
and it almost physically hurts to think of them.

i can scarcely keep my hands off of little miss.
i think she feels my neediness and isn't quite sure of me because of it.

i need to pull it together.

i'll keep holding on to tim, in case i lose my footing.

and there are flowers, and it is summer, and there are friends.

and home.

more soon.
xo,
tt