Thursday, July 29, 2010
i've always joked that my first born child was a labrador.
but it's no joke.
i loved that dog as much as any new baby.
at the time, i worked full time,
and left him
as a pup.
both what was playing on the radio
that we had left on
to keep him company,
and what i was wearing,
home from work that first day,
when i came back to the house,
and went out to the screened porch,
which he had ripped to shreds
of being left.
and i can remember the step
i sat down on
holding that pup,
and bending my head
to his head
loudly and fiercely,
into his black coat.
i'll never leave you again.
but i did.
each night i would come home
and hold on to him
as if that would help.
as if no one would ever
make me leave him again.
but i did.
when he died, ten years later,
i brought my second child,
three years old,
we drove up to pound ridge,
and we lay on the floor
while they gave him a shot.
we lay there a while,
as he got quieter,
and then they quietly
said it was time
for us to leave.
my three-year-old and i held hands
(me in the front, and her in her carseat)
all the way home.
and i said,
it will be ok,
i'll never leave you.
and i never have.
there's a new puppy across the street.
i sat in the park tonight, and she sat on my lap for what felt like forever.
if they need any help with her,
i'll be here.
Posted by Tara Thayer at 9:14 PM
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
this week has been crazy like life.
we've called 911. (she's fine.)
we've had a fender-bender in our car when we weren't driving. (not fine.)
we've had too many appointments, and not all of them pleasant.
we've had a cold going 'round.
we've had unsuccessful hours spent at the dmv.
we've had heat that makes everyone a little slow, a little cranky.
we've had flowers that are wilting on the stems.
we've had sleepless nights.
we've had friends away who have called to say they miss us.
we've had a dinner made entirely by the kids that knocked us flat.
we've had the kindness of others bring new possibility into our lives.
we've been surprised by family who might understand us, after all.
we've taken morning walks, and evening walks, and sat on the stoop with neighbors.
we've had new job prospects come to fruition.
we've felt good about taking care of business, even if it's hard to confront the facts.
we've gone to sleep with clean, soft children tucked in their beds (sometimes not all ours!)
woken up to a clean, orderly house that still holds the memory
of all the good times
that happened in it
the night before.
we are lucky.
we are keeping on.
Posted by Tara Thayer at 6:57 PM
Monday, July 26, 2010
well, hello friends.
so many things swirling around in my head today, so i think the best way to get them out is to just give you a half-gallon of random.
we closed the gallery yesterday. one last day, one last show. it was a great day, with friends and strangers stopping in to say goodbye. we found good homes for quite a few pieces, gave away some books + cds + lollipops, ate our (ok, my) weight in cheese and bread. talked and talked until we were all talked out. and then kept going. a good day.
we're on to other things, but not sure exactly what shape those things will take. tim will get busy making a living , and making some art from home. i'll keep busy keeping that home running (somewhat) smoothly. and i'll surely be taking pictures of it all along the way.
i'm not sure what to do with this space. i guess i need to change that "about" over there on the sidebar, but don't know what it's "about" now. that's an issue both practical and theoretical: i can easily just take out the "we have a gallery" part. but where does that leave me?
and where does that leave me? i guess i could just slip back into "wife, mother, keeper of house" mode. but somewhere between opening the doors of the gallery three-and-a-half years ago, and closing them last night, i seem to have added a few descriptors to that list. it's for me to think on which of those words i want to put under my photo from now on.
so, there you have it. i'll be here, i suppose, when i've something to say, or something to show, or maybe even when i just need some company.
in the meantime,
i do hope you are all enjoying your summer.
and thanks for reading.
Posted by Tara Thayer at 10:23 AM
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
have you been following habit?
do you know what these ladies are doing?
they've asked everyone-me, you...everyone...to join in for the month of july.
it's been incredible. and apparently, i'm not the only one who gets chills
from hearing all of these women's voices raised together to say:
this is our life.
check it out, join in. be inspired.
we're all living out dreams big and small. public and private.
big moments and little victories.
this is our life.
Posted by Tara Thayer at 7:15 PM
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
we decided to run the air conditioner today. and run the oven, to make the first cookies in weeks.
our carbon footprint stamped out the entire size of our house i suppose, in just one day.
i'm trying to keep my blinders on and still love summer,
but i saw a photo in a magazine
of a woman in a slim brown sweater,
with a rusty-orange colored scarf,
and i had a twinge,
(just a twinge
because i averted my eyes quickly,)
of longing for fall,
and sweater weather,
also,in the car the other day
we were listening to blood on the tracks,
and i said:
i've loved this album since i was so so young,
and i always listened to it,
daydreaming about going back to school
and wearing the perfect sweater
and everything was going to be different
i still do.
Posted by Tara Thayer at 4:46 PM
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
i'm not really sure what i'm doing here.
it's funny, because my best friends would describe me as very private.
and my best friends have told me that i talk alot.
and somewhere between those things: the privacy and the need to share,
i come here.
and i'm in love with polaroid. i may as well have a drug addiction, for all that i can afford the film.
it makes me happy. it makes me think. it makes me do.
happy, thinking, doing.
could be worse.
Posted by Tara Thayer at 8:35 PM
Monday, July 19, 2010
our road trip yesterday led us to a swimming hole in bridgewater, ct. tim and anna paddled around, and we had a picnic in the shade up on a hill.
we also stopped at a small airport on the way, and watched some planes take off. at one point, the engine of the plane in the air cut out, and my heart nearly stopped, thinking i was going to watch it plummet to the ground. it kicked back in seconds later, and kept on soaring. it was an intense few seconds though.
we took every turn that looked interesting to us, and finally wound our way back home in the evening. it was too late to start in on the baked eggplant i had been craving, but we had a nice dinner of fresh pasta (store-bought), and made a fresh tomato sauce with capers, and basil from out back.
tim spread the blanket we had used on our picnic out in the yard and took a quick nap. then a visit from a friend, and we tucked anna in for the night. never made it to the end of the movie, either.
some plans are nice to think about, but just as nice to let go of. it was a pretty perfect sunday.
but i miss the girls, and can't wait to see them later today. a fierce storm has blown off, and the sun is coming out.
enjoy monday, friends.
Posted by Tara Thayer at 10:14 AM
Sunday, July 18, 2010
greetings from sunday.
today we're going to
go for a drive,
but maybe not a hike.
find a river and stand in it up to our ankles.
buy a rosebush.
make a few more two minute films with lindsey's flip camera (tim.)
take a few more pictures with the polaroid (me.)
keep a journal of leaves and plants found today (anna.)
stop at any tag sales to look for more vintage juice glasses.
bake eggplant and top it with a fresh, chunky tomato sauce.
sit out back in the dark and watch the end of Manhattan.
enjoy your day!
Posted by Tara Thayer at 10:09 AM
Thursday, July 15, 2010
i was sort of at a loss for a photo this morning, and found these in the last roll of film i had processed. i don't know why i overlooked them in the first round. yeah, they're not perfect, but now i really like them.
i'll tell you why:
i work so hard at trying to keep things neat and clean around the house. there's even been some (ahem) inquiries into how i do that. where's the mess? where are the kids? show us how it really is.
it really is pretty tidy around here for the most part. not in the girls rooms! yikes.
and i would literally throw my body in front of the basement door if anyone outside of the kids, or the washer-repair guy, tried to get down there. awful, awful.
and i think i've mentioned how embarrassing our kitchen floor is, and that there isn't a single room that couldn't use some painting.
oh, and we've moved things around to make our home office an office-for-two now, but haven't quite finished that yet.
so, actually. yeah. lots of mess after all.
i like taking the photos of the good stuff. the empty cereal bowl and the tea cup just so. our dinner table before the sauce gets spilled on the tablecloth. the kids when they're smiling, their tan backs and their colorful shoes, instead of recording the fight they're having over who took the green nail polish.
i need a lot of beauty and joy in my life. i have a lot of beauty and joy in my life.
but i have a lot of chaos, mess, sadness, conflict, worry, questioning, doubt, and dirt, also.
tim has always been good to remind me that things are not black and white. that just because there is trouble, it doesn't negate the simple triumphs.
the kids fight. but they don't always fight.
the basement is a mess, but our house is really very pretty.
we don't have much money, but we can still take a walk, for free.
he's good people.
so:back to these pictures.
i was probably alone in the kitchen, everything was quiet and still. clean tea towels laid out by the sink. flowers on the table. a fresh throw rug in the doorway. so i take a shot of these frozen grapes. lovely.
and then the girls come in, wipe their feet on the rug, their hands on the towel, bump hips to get to the grapes.
that first one is lovely.
but that second one is the one i love.
see, i've been with tim long enough, i don't even need him to remind me.
Posted by Tara Thayer at 9:57 AM
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
to keene, nh
via amherst, ma
and brattleboro, vt.
412 miles round trip.
11 1/2 hours.
lots of music in the car,
and lots of laughing.
cinnamon rolls and bacon.
two pints of blackberries,
a thermos of green tea.
a ride in a green truck.
a stop at one of my favorite shops.
beautiful scenery on back roads.
lots of daydreaming about a farmhouse in the country.
a little girl who knocks us flat with her good nature.
Posted by Tara Thayer at 6:49 AM